Just when I was going deeper into my inner search, deeper into spirituality - my world is shaken. Post marriage, things have changed. To put it in simple words, my inner journey has taken a setback and I am more into the so called "worldly" life. At first, it distubed me a lot. After all, I was a sadhak and found myself imposed by sansara !
In fact I've not been so sansari in many years that went. It sucks. I feel disturbed, unrest ! I blame it on people, on marriage ! Nowadays I am in super activitiy mode, and inactivity of calmness is long gone.
But I also get the glimpse of "truth". The truth is , I was never a sanyasi in first place, I was at best a very weak sadhak. I was actually a sansari. I was interested in sansara and due to my intellectual understanding running away from it and seeking inner abodes.
God gifts you with what you need most ! I needed Sansara. Cause if I was really a Sadhak , I wound't have succumbed to sansara in first place. I was always interested in sansara, so god gifted me the same. God has put me at circumference for sometime more so that I can really get the feel of rotation and then get more resolve in my journey to the centre. This was a way of nature of reducing my rajasi tendensies, so that I can become more satvik.
Inspite of this understanding, I feel disturbed and in unrest. I think this is part of this phase. Good thing is I am enjoying this too. I know for sure that this phase has come into my life, only because I can deal with next phase in more sensible and matured way. I know this bad is for good, this sansara is for sanyas , this hyper activity is for meditation.
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