The State of Man

 As I walk around the city amongst people walking busily and hurriedly in the market, I feel strange. I almost feel like NEO of Matrix for whom the entire world looks disconnected and the entire world looks at him as disconnected.

Who are we and where are we coming from ? Where are we headed ? Why are we on this planet in this place and time ! How can we be so deeply immersed in illusions that we ourselves created ! Is it under the plan of nature to induce forgetfulness into human beings and hide the reality ?

It's very funny and at the same time, I can't control my tears ! This is a strange emotion. One can really feel it inside that what is ...ain't real ! But in absence of knowledge of what's real....one keeps going back to same unreal systems of world....

Why have we created a world like this ? I wonder....why we couldn't create systems that are good for all human and planet  ? Why almost every single system designed by us has a negative impact on human beings and nature ! ? I can't comprehend !

Some answers pop up...like man is greedy and selfish....but you can create systems where you can be happy and satisfied without harming others...there have been such systems in past and some exists even today...

In middle of this state of man...I find myself lost....and clueless...
The moment I want to pursue my deeper inquiries further...I am often bogged down or rather I get myself bogged down by responsibilities and burdens of mundane life - family, money and work !

In absence of some inspirations around me....it becomes very difficult to pursue the journey for truth especially when the journey is pathless and totally uncertain...

What's the way to live on earth then ? ....is one question that keeps coming back....
A lots being said and done by all kinds of people, saints, scientists, philosophers....but I remains confused as ever..

The only hope is ...that tiny feeling that lives in my heart...that tells me ....Ah ! that allows me to take deep breaths at the sunset....that allows me to smile broad when I look at birds and stars....that allows me to move into next day with more energy and resolve to look for clarity.

I feel lonely...

I wonder how can one feel lonely inspite of being surrounded by people. I do. I feel extremely lonely in my journey right now. It's a strange feeling. People are around me but because they do not understand what I am doing or who I am, it really doesn't matter if they are around or not. Imagine you are surrounded by 100s of people who consider you someone else who you are not. They are mistaking you to be someone else and relate and engage with you thinking you to be that someone else ! You talk to them, laugh and spend hours but you will end up feeling extremely lonely. For the one who you really are is still looking for someone to talk to, relate to.

Sometimes I feel I've myself invited so many challenges in my life. I have put myself alone in middle of jungle and I've got no skills to live there ! It's like I am learning everything again and all that I know is of absolutely no use. The journey in itself is fun as long as I can keep "speed" out of it. But the pressure to earn money, get farm into it's standing, prove yourself keeps coming back once in a while and I succumb to it. Everything falls apart in a minute and all the strength that I've gathered over so many years withers away...

It requires many silent walks into the woods, hours of looking at the blue sky and stars, days of company of nature that I am able to get back my vigor and confidence.

Fuh ! I've done all this to fulfill some vague vision I hold inside and the only thing I keep reminding myself is not to loose that vision. I keep getting myself back to it. It does get very hazy at times but thanks to existence it has never left me completely.  Oh ! there ...I can see it again.....