These questions re-echoed through a documentary I watched today, which showed a painting from a French painter with these questions hidden at the corner.
It's been thirty years of my life, I am still with more questions than answers. Am I on right path ? Will I ever find answers ? Is there some fundamental mistake I am making in my approach ?
Perhaps, these are the questions which need light of a master, which is why a master has been always treasured in old times. But, I do not want to buy the view completely that only a true master can help one find answers. If that was the case, I am hopeless. I am not. I have hopes of finding answers . Finding what I am searching for.
What is this deep void in me ? Will i ever be ever to know ?
What am I to do ? So far in my life, I've tried things whichever made some sense to me. Going to a meditation camp, walking out of a rut job, living close to nature, running to Himalayas, reading Buddha. Yes, absolutely I've come some distance. I can feel that I've made some progress in the journey. But the void remains, the thirst has only gone deeper.
Am I gonna be a seeker for whole life ? Is seeking only my way of life ? Is there something wrong in pursuing a goal itself ?
What next step can I take to support the journey, rather accelerate it. Here I am, today, with the thought of going into isolation, in silence for a period. But how long will I continue these experiments ? Life long ?
I also feel an urge to finally get to a life that is not temporary, a passing phase, an one off experiment. Am I ready ? Will it make more sense to start somewhere, somehow and then find my way out or shall I wait for clarity before I take any stand ?
In either case, I'll have to decide. My next step. It'll decide the futher ones. I look upon the stars for guidance.
