There is a constant stream in me that is growing, I feel. I feel I am growing, my sadhana is deepening. An undercurrent of spiritual wellness is there within me and I am surely receiving guidelines and blessings from up above in mysterious ways.
As usual, I am totally loving this journey and can't feel more grateful.
As I live at Sadhna path and then transition to my parents place in Bhopal, there is constant change of energy levels , of lifestyles, of mental states. It's like I am living two different lives. I feel much more at peace, more calm and spiritual when I am at farm. I feel like indulging in senses, getting lazy and just kill time when I am in Bhopal.
No wonder, a tiny current of frustration comes up every time I am in city. However, I know that I am here only because I want to be here. At times, I want to fool myself by blaming my circumstances, my family for not allowing me to live peacefully back at the farm. But the harsh truth is, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be succumbing to any pressure if I also did not like being here.
I like lazing, not following any rules, waking up late, over-eating, eating junk, watching TV and all the likes. Perhaps, it's my getaway from my disciplined life at farm.
Am I still ready for real intense spiritual work ? Or Is a huge part of me still craves for indulgence into things that I generally speak against of ? Is it a pendulum swing of my "good" life at farm ? Can good really exist without bad - or bad is needed for balancing ? Is peaceful life a balancing life or a leap out of good and bad ?
This clarity must come soon otherwise I might wasting a good amount of time in growing conflicts of my life.
As usual, I am totally loving this journey and can't feel more grateful.
As I live at Sadhna path and then transition to my parents place in Bhopal, there is constant change of energy levels , of lifestyles, of mental states. It's like I am living two different lives. I feel much more at peace, more calm and spiritual when I am at farm. I feel like indulging in senses, getting lazy and just kill time when I am in Bhopal.
No wonder, a tiny current of frustration comes up every time I am in city. However, I know that I am here only because I want to be here. At times, I want to fool myself by blaming my circumstances, my family for not allowing me to live peacefully back at the farm. But the harsh truth is, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be succumbing to any pressure if I also did not like being here.
I like lazing, not following any rules, waking up late, over-eating, eating junk, watching TV and all the likes. Perhaps, it's my getaway from my disciplined life at farm.
Am I still ready for real intense spiritual work ? Or Is a huge part of me still craves for indulgence into things that I generally speak against of ? Is it a pendulum swing of my "good" life at farm ? Can good really exist without bad - or bad is needed for balancing ? Is peaceful life a balancing life or a leap out of good and bad ?This clarity must come soon otherwise I might wasting a good amount of time in growing conflicts of my life.
