So, a wonderful and happening stint in Mysore is coming to an end, rather I am bringing it to an end. So as to begin something new again. It's been a lovely stay. A very intense and useful time.
I've learnt a lot, met a lot of really interesting people, been through several moving experiences.
I feel a part of me is new, a part of me is more stable and more matured.
Last time this year, i was pondering over leaving Pathashaala and start my own journey to Himalayas. I wanted to go spend three months in deep silence and remoteness. I thought it was neccessary to foster my spiritual growth. I went to Himalayas and reality turned out quite different. My calculations of money, my imagination about finding a place, my ancticipation of my own feelings - everything was quite different from what I thought.
I came back to the world in a month after a lovely adventurous tour of Greater Himalayas. Then I thought perhaps, living in isolation is not best thing to support the spritual journey of self. One must live in the world and try to make life as one wants to. Here and Now. That's when the thought of opening my own school in a natural sorrounding in a village came to my mind.
I thought living in a village close to nature, I'll be able to grow spiritualy, contribute to society (by school) and also generate my livelihood. It'll be a long term stable solution. As my dream of school started to take shape into reality, a lot of my notions got challenged. I realized the real challenges of today's education system of which school is just one small part. I learnt that one the school in itself is a huge responsibility that demands clarity, patience and collaboration, two education can take place only when we also work with teachers ,parents and society , only schools are quite impotent to bring any social change. To get rooted in reality, I decided to visit various schools and educational leaders. That's when I visited Shikshantar, Sidh and many other schools - Arivu being one of them.
I found Arivu was giving me the perfect oppurtunity. Here I could run it as if its my own school, I had all the authority, all the support and all the freedom. I took on the challenge, worked with it for a period of 5 months now and grew by leaps and bound. My fundas about education got more clearer and stronger. The people of Mysore are amongst the most friendly, matured and compassionate beings I've met in recent times. My life was beautiful here. Living close to a lake, close to nature, yet not too far from city. I had a salary for meeting my basic needs and friends and family visiting often. I had time to meditate, go for long walks or holidays, play guitar and do whatever I wanted to.
Ah ! then why do I want to move on ?
In my previous blog I wrote about how, whatever we want solutions to , our mind and being is capable of getting it. My involvement here in Arivu, put me to test. I would think of solutions to problems of Arivu and it was an endless process because we had an "ideal" school in our minds. Whatever we do, we always fell short of the perfection. I refused to settle for less than that. Result ? I was deeply into work, thinking about it almost all the time and I found myself in a bubble again. This bubble was much better than earlier ones but a bubble nevertheless. I started loosing sight of bigger picture, starting getting lost in daily routine and new habits.
Secondly, I learnt one very important lesson about clarity. I learnt we are all confused. I've met so many experts from all the fields, I find them confused. Ofcourse, I am finding myself more confused too. We are all confused. We are all operating in our lives in that confusion and thus the results are more or less disappointing at the end of the journey.
I learnt that I cannot do anything truly valuable, positive or harmless unless I am clear. What do I mean by clarity ? Clarity to me is to know what I am doing, Why am I doing it and what effect will it have on people, nature, society and existence. With this definition, I am really totally lost !
So now? I am striving for clarity. Do I need to leave the place for it ? May be not ! But the experiment from last year and my learnings from this year make me ready for new more informed decision. I want to live in isolation now for sometime, I am assuming it to be at least a year. Close to nature, where silence is not abnormal. How would it help me ? I think first i'll help me break the pattern, it'll give me time to brood over all that I've learnt done so far.
I'll shift my priority to my spiritual quest and I am sure my mind and being will find some way out. I've given 4 years of my life to engineering, many years to schooling , I think givin one year to nothing but living makes sense.
It's gonna be tough for sure. I can already sense nervousness in me. What if I aagain fall back, what if it doesn't help, what if something unexpected happen and I go mad, what if all this is just escapism ?
Nevertheless, I am quite determined about it to try this one. The beginning of clarity is here now. I am clear that I want clarity, I want answers to my questions and this is how I think right now, I can do it.
I could be wrong ! I am ready for the mistakes while my heart hopes for a miracle.
I've learnt a lot, met a lot of really interesting people, been through several moving experiences.
Last time this year, i was pondering over leaving Pathashaala and start my own journey to Himalayas. I wanted to go spend three months in deep silence and remoteness. I thought it was neccessary to foster my spiritual growth. I went to Himalayas and reality turned out quite different. My calculations of money, my imagination about finding a place, my ancticipation of my own feelings - everything was quite different from what I thought.
I came back to the world in a month after a lovely adventurous tour of Greater Himalayas. Then I thought perhaps, living in isolation is not best thing to support the spritual journey of self. One must live in the world and try to make life as one wants to. Here and Now. That's when the thought of opening my own school in a natural sorrounding in a village came to my mind.
I thought living in a village close to nature, I'll be able to grow spiritualy, contribute to society (by school) and also generate my livelihood. It'll be a long term stable solution. As my dream of school started to take shape into reality, a lot of my notions got challenged. I realized the real challenges of today's education system of which school is just one small part. I learnt that one the school in itself is a huge responsibility that demands clarity, patience and collaboration, two education can take place only when we also work with teachers ,parents and society , only schools are quite impotent to bring any social change. To get rooted in reality, I decided to visit various schools and educational leaders. That's when I visited Shikshantar, Sidh and many other schools - Arivu being one of them.
I found Arivu was giving me the perfect oppurtunity. Here I could run it as if its my own school, I had all the authority, all the support and all the freedom. I took on the challenge, worked with it for a period of 5 months now and grew by leaps and bound. My fundas about education got more clearer and stronger. The people of Mysore are amongst the most friendly, matured and compassionate beings I've met in recent times. My life was beautiful here. Living close to a lake, close to nature, yet not too far from city. I had a salary for meeting my basic needs and friends and family visiting often. I had time to meditate, go for long walks or holidays, play guitar and do whatever I wanted to.
Ah ! then why do I want to move on ?
In my previous blog I wrote about how, whatever we want solutions to , our mind and being is capable of getting it. My involvement here in Arivu, put me to test. I would think of solutions to problems of Arivu and it was an endless process because we had an "ideal" school in our minds. Whatever we do, we always fell short of the perfection. I refused to settle for less than that. Result ? I was deeply into work, thinking about it almost all the time and I found myself in a bubble again. This bubble was much better than earlier ones but a bubble nevertheless. I started loosing sight of bigger picture, starting getting lost in daily routine and new habits.
Secondly, I learnt one very important lesson about clarity. I learnt we are all confused. I've met so many experts from all the fields, I find them confused. Ofcourse, I am finding myself more confused too. We are all confused. We are all operating in our lives in that confusion and thus the results are more or less disappointing at the end of the journey.
I learnt that I cannot do anything truly valuable, positive or harmless unless I am clear. What do I mean by clarity ? Clarity to me is to know what I am doing, Why am I doing it and what effect will it have on people, nature, society and existence. With this definition, I am really totally lost !
So now? I am striving for clarity. Do I need to leave the place for it ? May be not ! But the experiment from last year and my learnings from this year make me ready for new more informed decision. I want to live in isolation now for sometime, I am assuming it to be at least a year. Close to nature, where silence is not abnormal. How would it help me ? I think first i'll help me break the pattern, it'll give me time to brood over all that I've learnt done so far.
I'll shift my priority to my spiritual quest and I am sure my mind and being will find some way out. I've given 4 years of my life to engineering, many years to schooling , I think givin one year to nothing but living makes sense.
It's gonna be tough for sure. I can already sense nervousness in me. What if I aagain fall back, what if it doesn't help, what if something unexpected happen and I go mad, what if all this is just escapism ?
Nevertheless, I am quite determined about it to try this one. The beginning of clarity is here now. I am clear that I want clarity, I want answers to my questions and this is how I think right now, I can do it.
I could be wrong ! I am ready for the mistakes while my heart hopes for a miracle.
