The title best describes my state right now. Deep down, I am feelings very rebelious, wanting to put all my energy into some revolution that'll give meaning to my life, that'll change the world into a better place. Only one tiny problem - "The cause".
I don't believe that I've enough intelligence to decide what's wrong or right. Which cause is more worthy. I don't know what to do. It feels like I've lost my memory of all my ambitions and dreams.
All I remember is that world is full of misery, world is not right, something (infact many things) are misplaced but I don't have enough intelligence to put things in order. I am a mess into myself. I am empty hearted with no love for anyone. I am confused in my thoughts. Such a man, I think can never create a constructive revolution, so I rather choose to be silent.
But this silence has it's own pain. It makes me restless. Then ? I think first step of revolution is myself. I need to sharpen my intelligence before I distort the world through my actions. I need to get rid of voilence and angst inside me before I bring peace into this world. I don't know how to do it. May be meditation is the way, but I don't know. I am gonna try few things before I give up.
Nevertheless, the world is for sure useless for me now. I see no meaning in living in flow of the crowd, I see no meanings in following some cult or social conditions. I see no reason why I should live as per rules laid by others. All I need is to find my own rules.
Where is the LOVE ??
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