Real Transformation and "the Other"

So here I am on the Sadhna Path, in the Sadhna Path (or the madman's farm - where I am living now) and the questions come as usual.

I chose to come down to this farm in village, work with natural farming primarily to support my inner journey. As Osho suggested three key pillars as fundamental to life of a seeker, in his book - Sadhna Path :-

• Samyak Bhojan (Right Food - Quantity, Quality and the way we eat it)
• Samyak Shram (Right Labor - Not too much, not too less just doing what our body is designed for)
• Samyak Nindra (Right Sleep - Sound, Deep, not too less, not too much) 

Among many other pointers and learning, these were few words of wisdom I was holding on to while taking decision about next step in my life ! At the Madman's farm, I could find all three coming naturally and much more!

I can clearly see the importance of external circumstances on inner life but I am also increasingly becoming aware of need for deeper real transformation. I find myself more or less same at the core inspite of huge changes at my surface. I don't know how do I affect the inner change but I must learn for all the outer change is of almost no value. It does look significant but truly it's like name in the sand at the seashore. Just a wave and i'll be back to what I was. 

Second realization for me recently is about the "others!". I am too much influenced by what the others think, how they look at me and how I'll like to be perceived by them. Oh my god ! This one is a very very strong emotion and trait in me. It has been and is a key motivator for a lot of actions. I wish to please all, to be "right" in eyes of most - especially people I hold high in my view. I wish to be someday free of this "other" syndrome. 

A lot of times, "other" is not just individual but also a philosophy, vision or fad. Like what do the green people or green philosophy think of me if I drive a bullet? Shall I teach english to young children - what will people in alternative education and deschooling movement think of me ! It's quite funny and serious sickness m holding inside !

Lets see ! Real transformation will lead to these real changes in me and my actions. I just need to give it chance. The problem is that I am too weak and my will power is not strong. I easily succumb to the easy and sleepy lifestyle. Add to it, that almost all around me are like that - I find it too easy to slip from a good, natural and healthy lifestyle to unhealthy and unnatural consumerist lifestyle. 

Hmm...Perhaps the catch is that real transformation is not in our hands. It will happen. We cannot do it. Otherwise, it'd have been easy to do it. I have to allow it. I just need to allow the real transformation and rest my fears disguised in superficial transformation. I must let go of my ego not in theory or talks but in everyday. How and when ! Perhaps universe has a plan.....may I get the wisdom just not to disturb the divine plan.